I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
