and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You made out with two different species that night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
God I need to hump something, right now.
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