It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
