I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
