Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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