I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
