over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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