just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
