There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
