i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I forget how to act sober
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
