sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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