Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
