I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
