Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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