After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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