I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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