OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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