ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
