I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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