Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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