Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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