He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
