i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
