nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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