Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
