maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
