He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
