Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
