sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
