I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had to cum in my sink.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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