Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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