So drunk its hurt
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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