Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
