Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
