i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
