my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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