Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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