Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
only you would photoshop your dick
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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