I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
