You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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