all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
