I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
