i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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