A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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