She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
