I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was petting her beer can
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize