Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
