guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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