i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
