i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Randomize
