Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
