So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
