Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
