I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize