all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This toilet bowl is my home.
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