Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
