i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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