just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
