HIV tests are more positive than that guy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
