she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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