trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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