you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize