If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
