We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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