It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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