That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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