before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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