Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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