Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
