Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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