I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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