How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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