So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
