So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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