i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
